Hello all.  Things seem to be going good today.

 

I just read through all of my blog entries this month.  I guess I talk too much sometimes.  But that is how I am.

 

I got some things taken care of yesterday, so that was a good thing.

 

Unfortunately, I haven't had time to work on my cartoon again.  But it is being planned in my mind when I have spare time.

 

Well, that is it for now.

 

Later.

 

 

Well, its another glorious day, one that will surely blend into many others in the future.

 

Today, it actually reached 70 degrees, so I am wearing shorts today.  No doubt, it will be cold for another month after today, so I better enjoy the weather.

 

Another good thing today... After reviewing my Flash animation book, I feel that I'll be able to finish my cartoon today, except for the sound of course.

 

Otherwise it has been business as usual.

 

The other day, my friend took me out to cheer me up.  So he took me to some of the best bars around this area.  All of the beautiful people hang out at this place.  Needless to say, it is crowded.  And there I stood, 385lbs, 6ft tall.  Not only was I clausterphobic, but all those beautiful people reminded me of the opportunities that I have let slip through my fingers.  All of the things that I wanted to do in my life were flashing back to me.  All I could think about is how I looked and that I didn't have a decent job to pay for drinks.  So it kind of backfired, and made me even more depressed.  Whatever.

 

Later.

 

 

Not much going on today.  Got out of the house for a little while, just to go to the store.  But then it was back home.

 

When I was at the local Discount Grocery Store, I just stopped and stared at the people who were shopping.  I am sure they are relatively nice people, but most of them were of the "mouth breathing, bottom feeding, trailer park" variety.  Its like they gave up and don't think appearances matter.  Before that, I had gone to the big chain grocery store, I saw the "stylish, well groomed, good job, nice home" people shopping.  I would like to be one of the second group, but I am afraid that I am turning into one of the first group.  And what kills me is, the people in the first group are still better off than me, because they have jobs.

 

I wasn't always this hopeless.  I had big plans when I was in High School.  I wanted to do big things, go someplace other than here to live.  I wanted the nice corner office on the 30th floor where I talk on the phone and right reports on the computer for big presentations.

 

I never thought I was smarter than the second group, but I did think I was better than the first group.  I kind of classified myself as a second group personality inside a first group body.  But now, I see that I am not as good as the first group, because I just can't find a job.

 

Okay, so here is where I admit all of my shortcomings.

 

I am fat.

I am lazy.

I am a gossip.

I have low self esteem

I can't spell esteem without spellcheck. lol

I have a bad memory.

I have no education to get a decent job.

 

And I feel like I am going to die.

I just feel worthless all the time.  I can't find a job.  I can't provide for my family.  And do I try to improve on the situation?  No! I go into a virtual world to escape.  No wonder I am royally screwed.  There is a true saying that I thought of.  "You either do something with your life, or you let things happen to you in life."  One you control, the other gets control over you.  Right now, I am in the second category.

 

So now that I have defined my problem, what do I do?

 

I'll have to get back to you on that one.

 

Later.

 

Well, here I am again. 

 

I would have been taking care of things for my Dad today, except it started snowing and I couldn't get back in time to do something else important.  So I stayed home.

 

Another holiday creeps up on us.  Easter.  When I drove back home today, I saw a bunch of people coming out of a church.  And all I could think of is "Look at all those people being lead around by someone's interpretation on a 2000 year old book."  Its just force of habit.  I know this guy who is dying of cancer or something.  His mother goes to church to pray for him to be healed.  She always says, "Jesus will heal my son."  But what happens if her son doesn't get healed.  Will she turn away from her God?  No.  She will say something like:  "Jesus must have needed my son more than me."  See, religious people can justify any behavior or actions as "Doing it in the name of God.", or "Its God's will."  This just doesn't jive with me.  That is blind acceptance and manipulation of the spirit of the religion... no pun intended.  You can make anyone do anything by saying it is God's will.  Look at those religious figures that said that if you don't vote for GW Bush, you are going to hell because Bush is pro-life.  That is using the religion to manipulate matters of state.  And no surprise, that is what they did to England in the 1200's when the Bishop was more powerful than the King.  Well, I for one do not give in to anything blindly.  You have to convince me to believe something.  Religiously or otherwise.

 

Okay, enough of that.

 

The cartoon is coming along. It is harder than I thought.  But I am still working on it.  After all, this is the first attempt at something good.  So away I go.

 

Later.

 

Well, I am not feeling good today.  Nothing seems to be going right.  And there is no escape for me now.  I can't feel good in real life, I can't feel good in There because I have no friends in There anymore, and I can't feel good in TSO because I make the people I care about mad at me.  So what is a guy to do.  I can't even go and watch TV because my wife is watching something that is so stupid, I'd rather be in the basement than to watch it.

 

I started work on a little 30 second cartoon in Flash today.  It is harder than I thought.  You have to be organized to make it work like it should.  But I know I'll do it.  I might have to read the Flash book again, but that shouldn't be a problem, because I already read it and it will refresh my memory.

 

But, I guess that is it for now.  Hopefully, I will survive this day to be tortured again tomorrow.

 

Later.

 

 

Wow!  Its been a whole month since I did a blog entry.  Sorry about that, I've been kind of busy living a virtual life.

 

I started playing The Sims Online because some friends from There went to try it out.  Now I am afraid, they won't want to leave.  It is a decent game, in the Sims tradition.  But really, all you do is skill and make money.  There aren't very many good clothes for the men to buy.  And you are kind of limited on how you decorate a house.  To my knowledge, there is no user created products to sell.  The only appeal to this game, is the interaction you have with other Sims.  They have a wider range of things like Dip Kiss, and Tantrum, that There doesn't have.  All There has is like emotes that pop out of your head and then the kiss for when you are sitting only.  I will probably keep my subscription to The Sims Online, just to get a break from There.  But, I am afraid that the special person I met in There will probably never come back to There.

 

My birthday was on the 11th.  And again, for another year, my Father ruined it for me.  Him and his comments about what he thinks is happening around him.  He is always thinking people are stealing from other people, or thinking someone is doing a bad job or a good job without knowing anything about the job or the person.  Frankly, I am tired of heaing his voice.

 

The other day, my Dad and I went to McDonalds.  There were two kids there.  He went over to them and gave them both a dollar.  Now in past blog entries, I listed the reasons he shouldn't do this.  But he continues.  All I can do is sit there embarrassed.

 

Well, that is it for now.  I have other things going on, but I don't want to talk about them until they are farther along.

 

Later.