Happy Halloween everyone.

 

Here I sit with a BIG bowl of leftover halloween candy thinking about what to write.

 

Today I went to church with my father and wife.  The Pastor talked about how following Jesus and staying away from sin will lead to salvation.  There are two points I want to talk about with this.

 

1.  You should follow God and his word.  Jesus was God's son and was sacrificed.  But that doesn't mean that we should worship him.  God said that we shall now worship any other God other than him.  Well, it seems that this church is worshiping Jesus instead of God.

 

2.  This is the same message that this Pastor has told for the past 5 weeks.  Isn't there any other messages in the Bible that he can put into a message.  It is almost like a hour advertisement for Christianity.  Sure I know I have to follow God's word.  But after the promotional hype, what is God's word?  That I have to follow God's word?  KInd of sounds like a Cult.

 

I am sure you know that the elections are coming up.  And my phone has been off the hook with people trying to get me to vote for this guy or that guy.  If I remember correctly, I was put on the national "Do not Call" list.  This should prevent me from getting these calls.  All they are is advertisements.  That is what it was designed for.  So this is proof that the Government and government officials are willing to bend the law for their own ends.  God Bless America.  I'm going to Canada!  (not really)

 

Well, that is all for today.

 

Later.

 

 

Hello everyone.

 

I have been going through some personal issues lately.  So I guess I will share them.

 

Lately, I have been feeling hollow inside.  I feel like I have I have nothing to believe in anymore. 

 

Some people believe in some God.  But the questions I brought up in an earlier entry are still eating away at me. 

 

Some people believe in the Government or a Political Party.  But how can you believe in people who don't hesitate to lie or hide the truth. 

 

Some people believe in family.  But lately, all the family I talk to wants something from me.  My Dad, for example, doesn't care a thing about me.  He only cares about his money.  To hell with his health.

 

Some people believe in their friends.  But my real friends are few and I hardly get a chance to talk to them.

 

Some people believe in their work.  But I haven't worked for over 2 years.  And I truthfully can't see being able to get another job.  I have tried for so long that I am about to give up.

 

All that leaves me is to believe in myself.  But if others can't believe in me, why should I?

 

So that leaves me with an empty hole in my soul.

 

Well, I guess that is it for now.

 

Later.

 

Well, hello to all. 

 

Big news today.  I was going through all of my emails that have backed up since I started playing "There" and I found a letter from someone who reads this blog.  That makes 2 people, other than my friends, that take the time to read about my life.  So welcome to Tommi.  I really appreciate your letter.  Sometimes I feel like I am all alone in this blog experience.

 

Well, what is up with me today, you ask.

 

I got a visit from my friend Tom today.  He is at his wits end with his family life.  I'm not going to go into details, but lets just say he is not getting the appreciation he should for everything he does for his wife and kids.  I don't know what to tell him.  I know I appreciate him as a friend.  I would do anything to help that I can.

 

Let me tell you a little about Tom.  Back when I was in 2nd grade, Tom was my best friend.  He sat next to me in class and we were like brothers.  He went into the navy after high school, and got married.  When he came back to the US, we were still the best of friends.  I know he would do anything for me, and I would do anything for him.  I also know he would do anything for his family.  He doesn't complain about anything his family does.  But he would like to get a little appreciation for what he does for his family, and maybe would like to see them contribute more to the family.

 

I truely feel for him.  I know what it is like to go unappreciated.  No one appreciates me here, but I go on.  I appreciate him.  I don't know what I would do without his friendship.

 

On another subject, the other night, I decided to take my wife and family out to eat at a mexican restaurant.  So we get there and all hell breaks loose.  My Dad didn't want mexican food so I had to order a Cheeseburger for him.  Then he wanted milk with his meal, but this isn't a place that would normally have milk.  And when he asked for it, he was loud and angry, which was embarrasing.  Then he decides to read the paper, and comment on what he read.  So as soon as he started to comment, I said, "Don't care."  That made him mad and he went to sit at another table.  By this time, I was in a bad mood, and could have used a beer.  But I didn't.  Then later in the meal, he asked the server for a cup of coffee, which they had to make because they don't normally serve coffee.  By the end of the night, I felt like putting him back in the home.  So I decided that if he can't take what he is given, he doesn' t need to go out to eat.

 

All in all, I am done taking shit from him.  I will look out for his needs, but I am not going to be doing him any favors.  He better learn to take what he is given or he can go back to where he will have to take what he is given.  After all, when he raised me, the meal situation was "Eat what you are given or starve!"

 

Well, that is it for now.

 

Later.

 

 

Sorry for not writing for so long.  I have been playing There for the past weeks and it is quite addicting.  Though, I have met some nice people in the game.

 

But I have been saving up some comments for everyone to ponder.

 

I take my Dad to church every Sunday.  In the service, the Pastor talks about how if we give ourselves over to God, we free ourselves from the slavery of sin.  But isn't giving your power to make decisions over to anyone, even God, a form of slavery?  Also, every church I have gone to has had group preyers for people in need.  We prey for sick people or people in crisis.  But if God is all powerful and all knowing, shouldn't he already know that these people are in need and, in fact, has let them suffer.  Isn't it a bad thing to ask our "Lord and Master" to help someone that he has chosen not to help out of hardship.  And if, in fact, he didn't realize that these things are happening, aren't these preyers a constant reminder that his is imperfect.  I wouldn't want to remind someone who could flood the earth on a whim that they are imperfect.  Just a thought.

 

I had a few disturbing thoughts this morning.  All that I was 2-3 years ago is gone.  I have no job.  I have no security.  And because my wife runs off without even considering me, and my father needs constant care, I have lost my freedom.  I need to feel like I have control of my own life.  I need to feel as if I can make my own way in the world.  I need to feel as though I can provide for my family.

 

My wife seems to feel the need to run off away from me on her days off.  All that I ever ask from her is to do the dishes.  I pay all of the bills.  I do the laundry.  I cook the meals.  I get anything her heart desires.  Is it too much for her to help me out once in a while.  Is it too much for her to take care of her few responsibilities before having fun.  She has a way of saying that she will do something, and then she will put it off for 3 or 6 days.  Finally, when there is no other choice, she will do her task and complain about it saying that next time I will do it.  Sure, its not like I have anything else to do other than everything else.

 

Well, I guess that is it for now.

 

Later.

 

 

Well, today I was allowed to take the day off after the wife got home.  I decided to go to a larger town and just relax.  I went to the mall there and had Chinese food for Dinner.  It was very spicy.  Then I went to Barnes and Noble to look at their computer section.  While I was there, I noticed that they had some books on how to get a job and how to write a resume.  When I was there, I didn't think to buy them, but then on the way home, I decided to get the one on how to write a resume.  There was one there called, I Got Fired, And Look At Me Now.  At least something to that effect.  Then I went back to my town.  But it was only 9pm.  So I went to take some of Odd Todd's advise.  I had some boob in my face.  Actually, not a boob touched me.  Ten minutes after I got there, I was wondering why I went in there.  All those girls want is your money.  So I left and went home.

 

I took the day off to relax and recharge.  I was getting cabin fever from sitting at home with my Dad.  So I hope it helped me.

 

I had a lot of time in the van today to think.  I decided some things.

 

1.  I gotta lose weight.  I weighed myself at the scale in GNC.  It said I weighed 391lbs.  I almost passed out.  So from now on, no sugar or sugar related items.  I cut down on bread items too.  I also don't eat things with saturated fat in them.  If I don't drop some weight soon, I might not live to be 40, or 35 even.

 

2.  I will spend my day looking for places to send my resume.  Every website I go to that says career opportunities, my resume will be put in.  And I will keep a notebook on when and where I put in resumes.  If nothing is heard in a month, it gets put in again.  I mean, all they can say is no.  And it is not my job to determine if I am a worthy applicant.  It is theirs.

 

3.  I will also spend my day reading to better myself.  No more TV... except for G4Tech TV.  That is educational.  Then when I am able to take some tests to get certified, I will.  Then I can add that to my resume.

 

I know I have said these things before.  I must do them to succeed.  Maybe that is why I am still unemployed, fat and stupid.  :P

 

Well, that should do it for today.

 

Later.

 

 

Can't sleep, so I'm writing in my blog.

 

I am just feeling like crap right now.  I think I stay up at night now to get a little private time.  But I don't get it.  My Dad is always getting up and sitting in the livingroom while I'm on the computer in the middle of the night.  It wouldn't be so bad, except he starts whispering his prayers, and that disturbs my thinking process.  So what am I supposed to do?

 

I just feel like I can't do anything that I want to do.  Is that common when you are married.  I am a grown adult male.  Why can't I do what I want to do, within the law.  I should be able to.  But no!  I have to make sure someone is here for my Dad.  And then I have to tell my wife that I am going somewhere.  And then, there is no where to go in this shithole town, so why bother going out.  I am feeling trapped.

 

What is wrong with me?  Why am I the only one around here that lives up to responsibilities.  Most of the people in this town think it is someone elses responsibility to do things.  We have people walking in the damn road blocking traffic, and they think it is the driver's responsibility to go around them.  Why would someone walk on the road when there is a perfectly good sidewalk to walk on.  That is what it is there for.  I hate this place.

 

I am growing to hate my Dad.  I can't take him anymore.  Whenever we go somewhere, he has to go because he can't be left alone.  And when he goes, he has to talk, and talk, and talk.  He has to tell me about every farmer on the way to where we are going.  Then on the way back, he has to tell me the exact same stories in reverse order as we pass the farms again.  GOD,  JUST SHUT UP AND SIT THERE!!!!!!!!!!

 

My wife seems to not be able to do anything without me.  Everytime there is work to do, she calls me out to do it.  Then she just sits around and watches me do it, or she "helps" me, which is a lot like getting in my way.  Take some responsibility and do it yourself.  Of course, I can't tell her that, because then, the guilt trip would set in, and she would get mad at me.  Then, she might never do the dishes instead of once a week like she seems to do now.

 

I can't even get a fucking job in the area.  My Dad's inability to take care of himself makes it impossible to find a day job, and no one will hire a 33 year old man for a damn night time job that any 16 year old could do.  And because I have my Dad here, and my wife won't move, I am trapped in this shithole town for the rest of my life.

 

What happened to my life?  My life should have been better.  My brother joined the navy right out of high school, got married to a woman in California, stayed in for 8 years, got an education, and has a decent job... for now.  He doesn't even have to deal with this shit.  And that is not fair.  I want to live in the warm state.  I want to be free.  I want to have options.  I am a smart guy.  Why can't I find something to give my life meaning.

 

I have one good friend that I like to talk to.  But his wife won't let him do what he wants, even though she gets to do anything she wants.  Sounds familiar.  No one else likes to talk to me.  They say I'm throwing a pity party.  So who am I supposed to talk to?

 

There has to be more to life than this.  But I am out of options.  I can't start a business thanks to my former friend.  I can't find a job.  And, because of my Dad, I have no time to go to school.  Also, because of him, I never got to go to college and get a decent education.  That cheap son of a bitch wouldn't pay for college for me when he made too much for me to get financial aid.  Seems like I am screwed 10 different ways.

 

Well, I guess I better go to bed and try not to sob too loud so I don't wake my wife up.

 

I'll write later today.

 

Not much happened today.  I looked for more Flash movies on the internet, but there are not that many sites that have them. 

 

I feel a little better than I did at 3am, but not much.  I have to get a better attitude and do something to make my life better.  What I'll do, I'm not sure about.  So I'll have to think about it.

 

I guess that is it for today.

 

Later.

 

Hello all.

 

Last night, I rented a very interesting movie.  It was called, "Supersize Me!"  If you don't already know, it is about this guy who makes a documentary where he eats 30 days of McDonalds for Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner.  On the second day, he puked after eating a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese which was supersized.  After about two weeks, he went back to the doctors that were monitoring his health, and he was facing long term dammage to his liver and could be on his way to developing a heart condition.  Mind you, before he started the 30 days, he got 3 physicals and was told to be in perfect health.  After the 30 days, he gained around 40 lbs and his cholesterol went up to 220.  It took him 8 weeks to detoxify his system, and 9 months to loose all of the weight he gained. 

 

He also talked about why America is the fattest country in the world.  He went over how the government controled bad choices in school lunches that aided in the fat children problem.  And he talked about the lack of Physical Fitness programs in the school systems.  All in all, this movie will make you think.

 

In one of the special bonus features, he did a comparison on McDonald's food as opposed to a normal hamburger from a real restaurant and french fries.  After 10 weeks, the normal hamburger and fries had long since molded and been thrown out.  The McDonald's sandwiches had molded at a slower rat, but did mold eventually.  And the McDonald's fries, after 10 weeks, were still pristine as ever without a single speck of mold.  What are they made of?  Can you imagine what happens to them in your body?

 

So after seeing this movie, I have decided that I will not eat McFries anymore.  I will not eat out anymore if I can help it.  I will try to cut down on my soda intake.  I drink diet now, but I should cut down.

 

Rent this one.  It will change how you see the fast food chain industry.

 

In other news, I saw an old friend that had joined the navy right out of High School.  He came back for some reason, and I ran into him at BK.  We talked for a little while and exchanged email addresses.  I am planning to keep in touch with him.  So that was something good for the weekend.

 

That is about it for now.

 

Later.

 

 

Today was a good day, for a change.

 

I got my first e-mail from someone I don't know who found my blog.  I am so happy that someone, other than the few friends I have, is reading my blog.  It almost makes it all worth while.  She says she put up a like to my blog on her blog, so hopefully, some other people will be reading this too.  Well, I would like to welcome Lisa to my small following of readers and hope she keeps on reading.

 

So today, I was able to buy groceries.  So we loaded up on everything.  Campbell's now makes a Chunky Chili that is halfway decent.  I recommend you try it, if you can afford $2.59 a can for it.  What is the deal with food prices today.

 

I also got one of those Pasta Pots that have the holes in the lid to drain the water off the pasta.  I know I am late, but I only paid $7 for it instead of Walmart's $16.99.  So that was cool.

 

Went to the Octoberfest Rummage Sales here today.  People bring out their old stuff, and hopes someone gives them money for it so they can buy someone else's old stuff.  I just went to see if anything was out there that I could sell on ebay.  The only thing I saw that could be sold on ebay was an old Polaroid camera from the '60s.  But I didn't buy it.  My wife got some Christmas items that she was going to put in for her Christmas In October party for the Moose Lodge.  But I walked a lot today, so I am a little stiff and sore.  Or was it from shaking so much on that roof yesterday.

 

I am getting a head start on my wife's Birthday present this year.  Her birthday is on November 1, so I have a month to get it.  Now if I could find out what she wants.  I don't think she even knows what she wants.

 

Well, that is it for now.  Gotta take Dad to church tomorrow so he can try to get into heaven.

 

Later.

 

 

Well, today was a pretty scary day.  I had to get on the roof of the garage and put a tarpe on it so the rain wouldn't warp the wood on the roof.  This wouldn't be so bad except, I am deathly scared of heights.  We got it done, but I was shaking and sweating for hours after.  Heights is the one thing I don't do.

 

I have been researching Flash movies on the internet to get ideas for mine.  There are a lot of good ones out that could play on TV.  Some are better than what is on TV.  So I will add the links for these sites to my links page.  I think everyone will enjoy them.

 

Well, that is it for now.

 

Later.