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7/19/2004
4:30 pm
Well, something good finally happened to me today. I got a call for an interview at
this new Dollar store that is opening up here. I was sure that he wouldn't call me back. Anyway, I just got done
with the interview, and he said he will see if he could fit me into his schedule. I am not going to get my hopes up.
I know that there are no guarentees in business. So stay tuned. We will see.
I have created a new drawing of myself that will be the main character in my new Flash cartoon.
It will be based on the comic strip I was working on. This cartoon looks a lot more like me. It needs some revisions,
but I think I found what I want to do in my life.
I also found a site that tells how to develop your drawing skills. So needless to
say, I will be working on that too.
I haven't finished my Flash book yet. I got a little sidetracked. But I plan
to finish it this week. Most of what I have left to read is stuff that I wouldn't use in a Flash cartoon anyway.
But I will read it anyway. This will be the first book that I have ever finished.
Well, I better get going. No one ever got ahead by sitting on their behind.
Later.
7/18/2004
11:06am
Well, I am feeling especially pitiful today so here comes the pity party.
I am so sick of my existance. I feel like nothing I do matters. I feel like
no one appreciates anything I do.
I am sick of dealing with the needs. I want to deal in the wants again.
But I can't afford any wants.
I just feel like nothing I do will ever matter because I am fat and poor.
I feel so lonely. But I have no one to talk to that can help me. I want to be
the clicky people. I want to be envied. I want people to say they want to be me. But how I feel is, I am
someone who people look at and say, "At least I am not him."
I feel like nothing. I can't get a job. I have no trouble finding a job, but
no one will hire me. Why? There are stupid people out there that have jobs. There are people on drugs that
have jobs. There are even illegal aliens out there that have jobs. But I, being a white male citizen, can't
find a job. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY!!!!!!!
Even if I found a job, I don't have anything to wear to work, because I have been out of
work so long, all of my work clothes don't fit anymore. It is hopeless.
Why do I even bother writing this blog anymore. Only 3 people read it. And nothing
ever happens to me to make it any good.
Well, end of Pity Party.
Later
7/13/2004
11:52pm
Well, today had some good things and some bad things.
In the bad catagory, I had to take my Dad to the doctor, and of course, we got into a yelling
match all the way home. Same old bullshit about all doctors are crooks because they wouldn't help you if you were broke.
So needless to say, I was stressed by the time we got home.
In the good catagory, I used the energy from my frustration to get ahead in my reading.
As soon as we got home, a bad storm came into town and I couldn't get a signal on the dish. So I turned to my book.
I got a whole chapter done tonight. I also got a whole chapter done last night. So I am doing really good.
I recently saw on "The Screensavers" that they had two animaters on that use flash to do
professional cartoons on cartoon network. They both said that if you are just starting out in animation on the computer,
it is best to start learning Flash because more and more animaters are turning from traditional techniques to using Flash.
It has tools in it that makes animating a cartoon a lot easier. So that is my task. Only 5 more chapters to go.
I think I will start writing now so I have it all worked out by the time I finish the book.
Oh well. That's it for now.
Later
7/4/2004
8:00pm
I have been thinking about this "Pity Party" Bullshit. I have been thinking about
the state of mind I am in most of the day. Thinking about what I say to people when I talk to them. And I came
to one conclusion. I do tend to throw "Pity Parties". But I wouldn't throw Pity Parties if I didn't feel so Pitiful.
I have no job, I'm way overweight, I'm going bald, and I only have one true friend in the whole world. Everytime I look
at a group of "normal" people, it reminds me of how "abnormal" I am. I envy them for having a group to be in.
I don't.
So I have a choice. Either I can sit here and be pitiful and drive everyone away,
or I can asess the situation, come up with choices, and take action to make myself less pitiful.
I made the decision today that I refuse to go another 5 years without becoming a millionare.
I am not going to my class reunion this year. Both my friend Tom and I decided that since we are basically down on our
luck, we have no reason to give all of the classmates amunition to put us down. But this is the last reunion that will
go by where I am not someone. I want all of them to look at me and say, "Boy, there is a guy that turned his life around
and made something of himself. I was sure wrong about him. I shouldn't have made fun of him in high school."
But in this town, it will be hard to do.
I think the key will be, when I get up in the morning, I have to say to myself, "What can
I do today to help change my life for the better?' And then, Do it!
So if you'll excuse me, I need to go do something to change my life. Later.
Oh, By the way, Happy Independence Day!!!!
7/03/2004
Well, sorry for not writing for a while. I was thinking about moving the blog to a
dedicated Blog site, but decided to wait. I like it here more. Anyway, on with the show.
Last night, I went out for the events going on for the 4th of July weekend. Nothing
but a bunch of street dances. The thing about street dances in this area, it brings out every trailer trash, redneck,
bottom feeding mouth breather in the surrounding area. And no one wants to watch inbreeds dance.
Anyway, I was walking with my friends and I decided to tell one of my friends a funny story
that I saw on TV the other night. I get half way through the story, and he turns and starts talking to my other friend.
I'm like, WHAT THE FUCK! Was he not listening, or was he disrespecting me? Anyway, I dismissed it for the time
being. Then I drove to this other bar, and he drove his car. He parked ahead of me and I thought he was getting
into my van to go somewhere else. He said that he wanted to go in this bar. Then he told me that there was a parking
spot right behind me. I tried to look in the mirror to see it, but all I saw was a business driveway. So I turned
to ask him for help in judging how far to back up, and he was gone. What the Fuck. Never mind us, I guess.
By the time I got in the bar, he was already buying a beer at the beergarden. Thanks for waiting for us.
So at the end of the night, I tried to talk to him about his rudeness, and said that I was
having a "Pity Party". When I talk to someone about myself or something that is important to me, I am not throwing a
"Pity party". I am asking for a little support. I tell people things that I think they might find amusing.
But, hell, if everytime I tell something to someone about myself, I am throwing a "Pity Party", well them I shouldn't say
a word to them. I am sorry that I am interupting the important thoughts that they are having. Its not like my
life or feelings are important or anything. I thought that a friendship meant that you are there for someone.
Not only to talk, but to listen. But I guess I am just too much of a burden. So be it.
(Now that was a Pity Party.)
My town had its fireworks tonight. I avoided going. I can't stand crowds.
But my wife and Dad went. They got soaked because it rained. I gave them a Nelson "Hah, Hah!" when they got home.
Well, that is it for now.
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