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2/29/2004
Well, today is the day you only see once every four years. Being that, it was a pretty ordinary day.
I am starting to feel more and more like I need to move to some other country. There really isn't
a lot to keep an american here. No jobs, everything is so expensive, and if the government doesn't get you down, some
organized crime probably will. My choices are Canada and Australia.
So I guess I would like to talk about voting tonight. People are always telling me that my vote is
valuable. That I should vote to make my voice heard. But after going through the list of candidates, there is
no one I would like to vote for. And if my vote is so valuable, then why waste it on someone that I don't want to be
president. Then there are another group that say, "If you didn't vote, then you have no right to complain." Well,
unless my vote was the deciding vote, then my vote made as much of a difference as it would have if I didn't vote, so then
I should have a right to complain. Come to think of it, if you didn't vote, you are the only one who can not be blamed
for electing the president. The people that didn't vote not only saw through the winner, but the looser and didn't vote
for any of them. Let's just say, as soon as this country comes up with an honest candidate that is willing to put the
good of the country before his/her own personal bank account, or self interest, then I have a responsiblity to keep these
BS artists out of the White House by not voting for them. In fact, I think the movie, Brewster's Millions had the right
idea and we should all vote for "None of the Above", or better, vote for ourselves. After all, if you want the job done
right, do it yourself.
Some of the characteristics the perfect candidate should have are the following:
- Work for room and board, plus have any loans or payments that they would need to pay in their normal life
defered for the length of the term in office. (Why pay them. Aren't they supposed to be public servents?)
- To be elected, they must not accept any donations of money. All donations must be in the form of services,
such as air time on television or radio, food and transportation for when they travel for their rallys. Of course, if
they are caught accepting money, they loose the right to run for this term. (They would be allowed to use their own
money on their election, but what polition would do that.)
- Every candidate must have every record of everything they have done or not done made public record and viewable
by anyone who wants to see it. That way, we get the facts about everyone. If they try to hide something, they
are out of the election for this term.
- The candidate should be willing to be audited daily, or at least monthly, by an independent accountant to
ensure that the president is only spending what is neccessary. This will prevent those $200 screwdriver incidents from
taking up the tax payer's money.
But lets face it. No politition will allow this kind of rules to go into effect. It is to their
advantage to keep things the way they are. But it is to our advantage to make this the way is has to be.
I had this e-mail that a friend sent me. It had to do with Social Securtiy and congress. In
a nutshell, if you work in as a congressman or representative until you retire, you get the same salary you got in office
until you die. A congressman makes around $7 million a year. And guess what? When they are in office, they
don't pay into Social Security. So it is our social security that we are paying in that pays for their comfortable lifestyle
after 12 years of service or so. These facts are off of an e-mail so I can't say for sure if they are accurate.
So here is my plan. I will run for congress. My winning angle will be, "Elect me. I will
work for nothing but room and board. Everything else goes back to the tax payers." Sound like a winner to me.
So I work for 12 years as a congressman, and then retire at 45 and get $7 million a year for the rest of my life. Kind
of sounds like winning the lottery. Feel free to try this. Just make sure you do something good with the time.
Otherwise, try to get this Government retirement deal voted out of existance. Imagin the gull to say, "Social Security
is dying. There will be no more money for SS in the future." Well, stop draining it, you leache.
Well, that is about it for tonight. Later.
2/24/2004
Well, I am feeling a little better than I did last night when I wrote my last entry.
Last night around 3:30, I went to bed and all that I could do is run through my mind what my Dad said.
It kept me up for an hour and a half. Finally, I decided to work out this frustration and anger with exercise.
And it worked. By the time I was done, I was too tired to be angry. And I was able to sleep.
Today, I was a little angry, but I was mostly depressed and feeling trapped. Then my wife came home.
And the griping began. I had to pay my Dad's insurance and go check the mail at his house. So I went by myself.
While I was driving, I started getting angry. I was angry at my wife, my Dad, the whole town, and basically, the whole
world. I felt useless and trapped in this town. I sacrificed everything for my Dad, and all he can do is complain.
I do everything I can for my wife and all she can do is give me more work. But as soon as she comes home, she sits around
and watches TV or sleeps. All I ask her to do is to do the dishes and it takes her 5 days without clean dishes to get
her to finish them. So finally, I snapped.
NO MORE SACRIFICES! NO MORE COMPROMISES!
The reason I am in this whole mess is because I sacrificed and made compromises. Now it is my turn.
I need to take care of me or I will just wilt away and die. So I made some decisions.
- I will look for a job anywhere I can. If I can get a good job somewhere else, then my wife has a choice
to make. Come with me or stay here. She can't seem to give me an answer on this question before I look for
a job. So it is up to her whether she loves me more than her house and family.
- I will exercise every night to work myself into a better body. I will have less stress and be able
to sleep better
- My Dad will start going to bed at 10pm instead of midnight. If the bastard is too tired to get up and
stay up all day, then he should go to bed earlier.
- I will continue to educate myself and eventually take the tests to certify myself. This will help me
get a better job and get out of this hell hole of a town.
- I will plan out my life how I want it and not sacrifice anything for someone else unless it is for something
I want. A written plan will guide me to my goals. The deadlines I put in the plan will help me keep on track.
Nothing will deter me.
The people in my life have a choice. They can either help me and reap the benefits of my success, or
they won't and I will do it without them. I have wasted enough of my life. It is time to get busy.
Later.
2/23/2004
Here comes a rant I just have to get out or I will go insane.
I have just about had it with my Dad. Tonight, he told my brother that I was stealing from him and
that I would have to face Jesus for it.
First of all, I haven't stolen anything from him. Everything that was worth anything is still in his
house. The only money I use is to feed him, pay his bills and do the things he wants done. Otherwise, it is all
there.
I am really sick and tired of him bad mouthing me. I gave up my whole fucking life to take care of
him. I feed him 3 times a day, make sure he gets the medication he needs to stay alive, and I make sure he is entertained
by giving him the western channel to watch. And all I get is, "you gotta be spending my money because you don't work."
Never mind that my wife works.
I gave up everything to take care of him. I can't find a decent job because I have to be at home with
him until my wife gets home. I have to watch him when he walks because he can't see well enough to see a car coming
at him when he crosses the street. And his balance isn't good enough to handle rough terrain. What else does he
want from me? Maybe I should cut off my balls and poke out my eyes. Maybe, then he would think I sacraficed enough
for him.
I took on the position of his care giver so that he wouldn't loose the farm and end up with nothing in the
end. I wanted to preserve what was left of his pride and let him leave this world surrounded by the people who love
him. But I guess my first assessment of him was the right one.
He is a greedy old bastard without an ounce of appreciation for anything anyone does for him. He is
paranoid and thinks that everyone is out to get him and his money. And "HE'S the one that will have to answer
to Jesus for that."
I have half the mind to put him back into the home and let the state take everything. I should, just
to teach him that the world doesn't revolve around him. But I can't. I promised him that I would do everything
in my power to keep the farm and everything else safe. And I can't go back on that promise.
It just really hurts when the person you give up everything for can't say a kind word about you. Its
enough to make you cry.
Later.
2/22/2004
Finally, I have something worth while to talk about.
Today, I was in the van driving when I turned on my favorite talk station. The subject of outsourcing
American jobs came up. The woman had the gull to say outsourcing American jobs to other countries was good for America.
Well, lets take a look at this for a few minutes.
She said that outsourcing jobs will lower the cost of products because the labor is cheaper, so that more
people will be able to afford them.
This is flawed on so many levels. First of all, if you take away the jobs in which people earn the
money to buy these products, there won't me many sales, other than the rich.
She said that people who went to college should get the jobs that pay more so their jobs won't get
taken away.
There is no guarentee that college graduates will even get a job. And if they can't, what
are they supposed to do until they get a job. The student loan people are calling for their payments, and you can't
even get a factory job because the jobs went to Mexico or some other country where the earning wage is $2/ hour or less.
Many of tomorrow's college graduates are funded by their parents who the majority of are blue collar
workers. So if those blue collar workers loose their jobs, who is supposed to support these future college grads while
they are in college? The Government. Then what happens to the students when they can't find a job after graduation?
The loan is defaulted and the government is out of the money. Now, is that good for the Government?
Also, is it good to have the majority of the blue collar workforce of America to be out of a job,
drawing unemployment payments, and forced to committ crimes to put food on the table? When we have this many people
out of work, is it good to put more people out of work and becoming dependant on the government.
She said that Americans don't do enough for the money we make. Well, if the price of everything
wasn't so high, especially gasoline, then we wouldn't have to make so much money in order to afford to live. Companies
don't drop prices just because the workforce is cheaper. The charge just enough to make the most they can. If
they charged any more than that, people couldn't afford it and wouldn't see the value of it. So they charge the highest
price possible without losing sales. If the wages are too high to make it, they wouldn't make it in the first place.
What kind of country is it when you have to go to another country to get an American job?
In my opinion, shipping jobs overseas is just another way of eliminating the middle class.
Then there will only be the rich and the government dependant.
Tell me what you think.
Later.
2/20/2004
Well, here we are. Another sleepless night. It is actually 3:30am on the 21st. But what
the hell.
My friend Bill is moving to another town for his work. This really doesn't bother me that much since
he hasn't been good enough of a friend to call me since last July. His ex-wife told me that when he moved out of his
rented house, he was 3 months late on the rent and had a $450 water bill worked up. How is this possible. This
man makes over $50,000 a year. What the hell is he spending the money on? He must be drinking it away.
Well, if he doesn't want to call and see how I am, fine. I have a lot of other things to worry about other than him.
And I don't need him to bring me down.
I need to really get moving on my reading. I only have 5 chapters to go in my flash book. But
it seems like everyone is sucking up my time. I was thinking about storylines for the comic. When I read that
Odd Todd was getting his cartoon series, it boosted my inspiration. I have to think about my cartoon all the time.
I just can't limit it to when I am in the basement office. This whole thing has to take priority. If I can't find
work, I have to make work for myself. I have to take control of my life and make it happen. That is a problem
I have had all of my life. I wait for things to happen to me. And the one time I made something happen, I got
me somewhere big. But then I stopped using the techniques and ended up in the gutter. So here I go. Its
time to rebuild my life, brick by brick if I have to. I have to, because no one else will.
Well, I guess that is all I wanted to get off my chest. Later.
2/19/2004
Well, today was pretty boring today. Got up, fed everyone, made Lasagna for dinner. Pretty standard
stuff.
I do have a retraction on one of my entries. I said in an earlier entry that Odd Todd said he was
going to hook me up with some Flash sites. After going over the e-mail again, it was his site that he was going to put
a link up on. But that is still just as good for as many people as visit his site.
I saw on Odd Todd's site today that he got a deal with Comedy Central for 8 half hour cartoons. I
told him he could make his cartoon into an empire. That also gives me hope that I can someday make it to the big time,
or at least get some work.
On to the next thing.
I watch a lot of TechTV. And I just have to say, Morgan Webb is HOT!!! She has the hottest body and isn't afraid to show it off on Xplay. That is the only reason
I watch Xplay. I don't really play games anymore. I also have to say, Sarah Lane, from The Screen Savers, is
a little cutie too. She doesn't have much in the (how to put this gently) bust line, but she has a cute face and wears
clothes that look really good on her. She is smart too. I was a little crushed when I saw that she was going out
with her co-worker Kevin Rose. But hey, like I would even have a chance. Even if she didn't live a half continent
away and I was 10 years younger, she probably wouldn't give me the time of day. Oh well. A man can dream.
And I am probably not the only one. I sure way of getting good ratings on a Tech show is to give the little nerds something
good to look at besides motherboards and video cards.
Well, I guess that will do for now. Later.
2/17/2004
Well, I've been a little busy lately, so I'll do my best to update you... whoever is reading this.
First of all, I saw that Tony Robbins came out with a new CD set for self help. Years ago, I bought
his 30 day set and went through it. It did help me. Soon after I completed the program, I was able to get the
job at my previous employer and moved up to a Supervisor position. But then I topped out and they laid me off.
But if I had kept with the techniques he teaches, I probably would have gone farther or at least been able to keep my job.
Anyway, seeing the commercial for the new program that only takes 7 days, got me back to wanting to go through the program
again. I checked ebay for the new system and couldn't find it for less than $120 and Tony offers it for 3 payments of
$69 plus shipping. So I decided to go ahead and start the old system again that I purchased a few years ago. I
already feel better about myself. But it will be a long road ahead.
I finally got the internet in my basement. It took long enough. So now I can surf on the net
without hearing my Dad's westerns behind me. It is hard to concentrate when you hear guns going off every 10 seconds.
I think that is about it for now. If I think of anything else, I will add it later.
Bu-bye.
2/13/2004
Sometimes, I don't know why I do this anymore. No one except a few people even look at this page.
And a few make fun of me for having a donation link on this site. Why do I even bother.
Nothing interesting ever happens to me. I get up, feed my Dad breakfast, watch TV, feed my Dad lunch,
watch TV, get yelled at by my wife, feed everyone dinner, do everything my wife yelled at me about, and then write this blog.
Boring!!!!!!
Anywho, going out to eat with the wife alone tomorrow. Then, back home for a romantic night of....
nothing. Oh well, maybe another time.
Well, that's about it for today. I'll let you get back to your exciting lives. Later.
2/11/2004
Let's see. Not too much to report today.
My Dad took his lady friend out to eat for Valentine's Day today. He did it today because I am taking
my wife out on Valentine's Day and we couldn't get both dates into the same day. They both had fun and ate all they
could at the buffet.
The more I learn about nutrition, the more I think I should start considering being a vegitarian.
I learned today that in every litre of mild, there are approximately 320,000,000 cells of pus. This is not good.
Some Dairy council says that anything over 200,000,000 cells per litre should not be in a human's diet and could be harmful
to your health. This kind of put me off of dairy. When I heard about this, I asked myself, I wonder what soy milk
tastes like. Then I thought to myself, anything that comes from an animal has the potential to be disgusting if you
really think about it. But with vegitables, as long as you check your vegitables for dirt and infestation, it is a relitively
good diet. You can get any protein from soy or some other source. But you don't have to exclude meat all together.
As long as you are careful with what you pick, you should be safe. Someone once said that it isn't right that we drink
cow's milk. First of all, cow's milk is for baby cows, not humans. The fat content alone is not good for us.
Secondly, it is for infants of the species, not adults. So, I think I will be altering my diet to cut down as much as
possible on the dairy. After all, I don't need to cover my Cinnimon Toast Crunch with a tall glass of pus.
By the way, here is the link to the article.
Be warned. This will ruin Dairy products for you for a long time.
Well, now that I have grossed you out, my task is done. I'll talk to you later.
2/9/2004
Well, I feel like crap today. I didn't feel like crap until I got this phone call from a collection
agency. Just trying to spell out my life to her and how there are no jobs here made me feel worthless again. I
hate fucking collection agents. It's like they forget that you are unemployed every month or so. It is just a
constant reminder that I owe a lot of money and have no way of paying it back. To be honest, I am in the hole so deep,
I can see China. I have to figure something out so I can make some money. This is rediculous. Why can't
a decent hardworking man find a simple job? I hate this area of the country. I have to get out of here.
And soon!
Later.
2/7/2004
Well, here we are again. Spent too much money at Sam's Club. But I got just about everything
I needed for the month.
On the way back home, we stopped at Baker's Square to eat. A great place for Pie. Anyway, while
sitting there waiting for our food, my Dad asks me if I had two dollars. Immediately, I knew what he was going to do.
He was going to give a dollar to some little kids. I told him not to. I insisted on it and told him to sit down.
You just can't go up to strangers and give their kids money. With my luck, their parents would call the police and claim
that he was trying to lure their kids away to mollest them. That behavior just isn't done in a big city. But then
my Dad embarrassed me even more by talking to the bus boy about my not letting him do it. He doesn't know the bus boy
from Adam. I just can't take him anywhere anymore.
Well, I guess that is it for now. Later.
2/4/2004
Well, nothing really eventful happened today. I basically watched T.V. most of the day.
I finally got the second CD-ROM from the IRS so I can finally start my business. I have all the info
I need to start the business and not have all kinds of trouble from the government.
Well, that is about it for now. Later.
2/3/2004
Holy Crap!!! Today is one of the best days I have had in a long time. Here is why.
On 2/1/2004, I decided to e-mail Odd Todd and tell him about myself. He is like my mentor for learning
how to do Flash. Anyway, I e-mailed him and told him what an inspiration he is to me. I told him that I was working
on my Flash book and wanted to build a site after reading my Dreamweaver book. I told him that I told all the people
I know about his cartoons and all of them liked it. I told him that I hope that he makes his own little empire
out of the cartoon and not just being able to get another job.
Well, today, he e-mailed me back. Is that totally cool or what. He said that the e-mail totally
made his day and that he would hook me up in some kinks to popular Flash sites after I finish my movies. Is that totally
cool or what. He is the best. At least he e-mailed me back. When I had questions on how to produce a comic,
Greg Dean didn't even write me back. But he might have had to many e-mails to go through. You never know.
Anyway, that really made my day. I just thought I'd share it.
Later.
2/2/2004
Just woke up this morning and remembered the dream or nightmare I had. I gotta share this.
I dreamed that I was temping at my old job. I was at the podium in the call center and Doris tells
me to go walk the floor. So I leave the podium and go walk the floor. Now I haven't been there in a year and a
half so I was stopping to see what new things were going on. So I turn around and there is Doris following me.
I move on and I see something else new that I need to know about. I look back, and there is Doris watching me.
So I finally get around to Roy's old desk. (Roy was another supervisor that quit there before I was laid off.) And there
he is. So I talk to him and he takes me into the bathroom to talk to me since there are no cameras in the bathroom.
So after I talk to Roy, go and walk the floor again. Doris calls me over and talks to me. She tells me that I
am back to walk the floor and not to stop and look at things. I told her I was looking at the new thing with the company
so I could serve the company better. She told me that if I went to another computer screen again, I would be fired.
But I had already seen that the podium had all new laptops for their work up there. And I could see that this was the
reason for my lay off. To get more money for their "little toys".
This dream really disturbs me. First of all, I really really hate it when someone is following
me around looking over my shoulder. Doris (my old boss) used to do this all the time. I would sware she had ninja
in her. She could get around without anyone hearing her. She was also as short as the cubicles so you couldn't
see her coming.
Secondly, I hate it when I feel like I can't be trusted. It makes me feel like I am not worth anything
in their eyes. And that is how this dream made me feel... worthless. So you can imagin what kind of mood I woke
up in this morning. Only 14 more hours to go.
Somehow, I gotta let it go. This place has been haunting me for the last year and a half. I
haven't had anything to take its place in that time. I guess the things in the dream are the reasons I am so livid
about starting my own business. So I don't have to look over my shoulder all the time. So I don't have to sneak
around to do anything.
When will I be rid of these feelings associated with my old employer and work in general.
Later.
Later that night...
Well, I feel a little better now. I just had to realize that my former employer's loss is my gain.
They didn't know what a resourceful person I was. I have learned more in the last 6 months about computers that I learned
in the whole 4 1/2 years I was there. Granted that it wasn't a computer business. But that place never did use
my full potential. To tell you the truth, I was bored being a Supervisor. Sure the money was good, but I had to
put up with a lot of shit to get the bucks. But now, I can read all the books I have and take the tests to certify.
Then I will be able to pick and choose what I want to do. I like to program better than I like to work with mainframes
and hardware. With software, you can go home at the end of the day and keep creating programs and other software even
though you are not at work. If you work on a mainframe or are a MCSE, you can't do freelance at home... unless you have
one of those million dollar mainframes in your basement. Yes, I believe I am taking the right road right now.
I just have to keep from getting discouraged and plug away at it. I will get there eventually.
As for my former employer, they can take their jobs in their right hand, reach around their back and stick
it up their asses. It should be pretty easy to find. Its the same place that their heads are.
I have it pretty good right now. Sure I have no money. Sure I have to take care of my Father.
Sure my days are pretty much the same day in and day out. But at least I am not working in a position in a large company
where in 35 or 40 years, I will get a gold watch or a pin and shown to the door for all of my years of service. I am
making something of myself. And that makes me richer than any management or even CEO job could ever make me.
Later.
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