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11/28/2003
Why, God, do I even go on with my life... if that is what you want to call it.
I just can't take it anymore. All I see are happy people living out their lives. Why can't I
be happy? Well, here's a short list.
- Trapped in a whole in the earth town with no industry to employ 75% of the population.
- I have no job to bring meaning to my life. I have no sense of accomplishment at the end of the day
so I feel worthless.
- I have no skills to get a new job. Lest we forget that even if I had great skills I could use to get
a new job, I'm still in the middle of a fucking whole in the earth town that is full of unemployment.
- I am forced to put up with Forest Gump for a father. He was the one man that I truely hated in life.
The one man who caused all the bad things in my life. He didn't let me go to school because he was too cheap to pay
for it. All of the kids in high school laughed at me because he would buy "perfectly good" clothes at rummage sales
for us to wear when he made a decent wage at the factory. And he is still holding me back today, because I can't even
look for a day job because I have to take care of him during the day.
Now, you Tony Robbins fans will tell me, "The past does not equil the future." Wanna bet. You
would probably say, "What about that guy that had no toes, paralized from the waist down with third degree burns all over
his body that ran for office? He has a lot of other disadvantages that you don't have and he isn't crying about it."
Well, he doesn't have to live in this town. He may be handicapped, but he probably doesn't feel like a failure
24 hrs a day like me.
So, what am I supposed to do? Just let life go by and keep going? Don't worry, I'm not going to
kill myself or anything stupid like that. I just wish someone was reading this so I could get some advise from them.
But, I guess no one reads this blog, so why bother.
Later.
11/22/2003
Sorry for not writing for a while. But it's not like anyone is reading it.
So today, I went out with a friend to a few bars. One was a nice club. They had a good band
and it was packed. So I go in with my friends and see all of the hot little 21-30 year olds jumping around on the dance
floor. It just flashed back a lot of bad memories for me. Sure they are very attractive girls. But those
girls have never wanted me in my whole life. Even though I am married, I still am frustrated by not being to be
able to attract women that I would kill for. Don't get me wrong. If one of these women came up to me and showed
genuine interest in me, right after I picked myself up from fainting from disbelief, I would tell her sorry but I'm married.
But getting one of these attractive women to notice me, in a good way, is such a stretch, even Stephen Hawking couldn't calculate
the odds of it happening. And this is the hell that is my life. I guess it is an inferiority complex. Believe
me, if you had my life and my past, and my body, you would too.
Later.
11/14/2003
Well, I've been pretty busy this week.
I am up to the middle of Chapter 8 in my Flash book. It is really interesting. I took the knowledge
I have so far and replayed all of Odd Todd's movies I downloaded. And now I see how he did all of it. That is
pretty cool. But I plan to finish the book by Thanksgiving. Then we will see what I can do with it.
It is really boring here. There is nothing to do in this town. All they have is a Theater, 2
bowling alleys, and about 70 bars. We don't have any good restaurants, malls, or anywhere to work for that matter.
My Dad says that he heard that the Glass Factory here is going to stop production after the Christmas shutdown. But
I also heard from others that they are just laying off 100 or 200 workers. But still, that can devistate the town.
I can feel it going under. But today, I took everyone for pizza. But the only place that is nice with good pizza
and not a chain, was in the next town 15 miles away. If we don't get more industry in this town, we all are in big trouble.
No jobs available in this area yet. It is looking hopeless for me. But just as hopeless as it
has for the last year. I just have to keep plugging away at my books. If I don't waste any time and do as much
as possible, something should turn up eventually. I hope.
Well, that's about it for now. Later.
11/8/2003
Well, here we are again.
Don't you hate it when nothing in your house matches to make anything to eat. I got up this morning
and had to make my Dad's breakfast. I knew that we didn't have any milk for corn flakes, so I decided to make eggs.
So I got out the pan and started heating it up. In the mean time, I watched a little cartoons, being Saturday morning.
So when the pan was hot, I reached into the fridge and no eggs. So no eggs and no milk. So I got him up and decided
to go out for breakfast. So we get up, get dressed, get into the truck, turn the key, and the battery is dead.
So needless to say, I had a hard morning. The night before, I had to run out at 9 pm because there was no TP and no
one told me about it even though we were just at Wal-mart that day.
Anyway, I went to see Martix: Resolutions yesterday. It is a really cool movie. A+ special effects.
In fact, the special effects were most of the movie, and at times, they made the movie drag on. They didn't need to
show three of the same kind of explosions in the same fight. It was constantly tense and never lacking in action.
But you know what they say about too much of a good thing. It was kind of exhausting watching the movie.
It never gives you a break to recover and prepare for the next action scene. Over all, it was a good movie.
Thought of the Day
"No one ever got ahead by sitting on their behind."- The movie Sugar and Spice.
Take action and get ahead.
Later.
11/6/2003
Well, here I am again.
I just got though Chapter 4 in the Flash MX book I've been reading. I know the basics of animation
in Flash MX. I am feeling pretty good right now. I will continue to read until I go to bed. This is the
important thing that I need to do. Then after I finish that book, I'll move on to the Dreamweaver MX book. I figure
as long as I keep doing something, one thing at a time, I will at least learn something.
I am also working on my second shop. But to create pictures is a long process. First on paper,
thern scanned in, then redrawn in the computer, then colorized and finally, turned into JPG format for publishing. Since
I appear to have all the time in the world due to massive unemployment, I guess I should be able to put some time into drawing.
Now all I need to know how to do is market the stores.
Thought of the Day
Why in the world do people go on shows like Jerry Springer and Jenny Jones. I went to see
the Jerry Springer show back before they started fighting all the time. It was a good time. He shakes the hands
of the audience members on the way out. He even warmed up the audience with some corny jokes before the show.
It takes about 3 months before the show is aired. When the shows I attended were aired, I got in the line of sight of
the camera for about 2 seconds. But I taped it and showed all of my friends I hanged with all of the time.
But now, all they have is people who would be trashy compared to trailer park people, airing
all of their dirty laundry and openly fighting on national television. I would be embarrassed to let the country know
that I was sleeping with my stepbrother, or something like that. Every once in a while, they have a surprise for a guest
where someone confesses to something on the show. If I was informed that someone wanted to surprise me on the Jerry
Springer show, I wouldn't go. It is guarenteed to be bad. Who would think that it is good. When was the
last time Jerry Springer gave away a free day at the spa.
Supposedly, a friend of mine is related to someone at the show. They called her and asked
her to appear on the show. She said that she had nothing to be on the show for. They said that it wasn't a problem.
That they would make something up. Evidently, they were willing to pay her. I can't guarentee that this is true,
but it sure seems suspicious.
The only thing, in my opinion, that shows like Jerry Springer are good for is to make the rest
of the country feel better about their lives. Because when you see the show, you say to yourself, "Well, at least I
am not trailer trash like that. My problems are little compared to how these people are fucked up."
Well, thats about the end of the rant. I better get back to the reading. Later.
11/02/2003
Well, here we are again. Another month gone by.
I have been keeping busy lately. I got everything ready to have my Dad's roof done.
But now the problem is, it is raining for five days straight. And by the time it dries, it will probably be
winter. Oh well.
I started my own store earlier last month. I have been drawing up things to put on the items.
But the only problem is, unemployed people don't have money to spend on a t-shirt or bumpersticker. So I made another
store called 'toon Products. It will have the same cartoons I draw up but with no theme. My other store
has the theme of Joblessness. So, I hope someone will come and buy some items from me once I get all of the
drawings done and on the web.
Odd Todd released another movie for Halloween. It was pretty cool. I still wish I could do that
stuff now. But I am making progress in my Flash MX book. I am almost on Chapter 4. And that is where the
serious movie making comes in.
Right now, my Dad is watching "Little Dirty Billy" for the 5th time. He just doesn't remember
seeing it at all. As for me, I'm very sick of watching it or even hearing it. I should just put
in my earplugs and read. Maybe that's what I'll do.
Well, that's about it for now. Later.
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