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10/26/2003
Sorry for not writing for a while. A lot has happened to keep my attention. But now, I
have to get some things off my chest.
God, I am sick of my father. All he can do is complain. We were watching True Lies with Gov.
Arnold. All my Dad could do is complain that it is so fake and that isn't how it was in Korea. Like I care how
it was in Korea. For a guy that doesn't want to talk about the war, he sure does it a lot. I think that next time
he talks about Korea during a movie, I'll just turn off the TV and go to the computer, or just turn the channel. It
is such torture to have to listen to him all the time. He is driving me insane.
Life is so ironic for me. I am a very intellegent person with a desent work history, yet I can't find
a job. I am really good at computers, but I can't get a job doing it. So I sit jobless and depressed. And
I have to sit and babysit the one man who I truely hate. My father. And do you think he would appreciate
everything I do for him. No! He has to gripe about everything I do. It's not done "his" way. So not
only did he ruin my childhood, he's ruining my whole life.
I can't even find a nice quiet place to read. There is always someone that needs something from me.
It's enough to drive me to drink. And I would, except I have acid reflux and it is painful for me to drink alcoholic
beverages. So I can't even drink to forget my problems. I can't even tell you how many Tums I take in a day.
What is left for me? I can't even get enough peace to read and improve my mind. And I can't
find a job with my current skills.
Well, I guess I'll close and have a Smirnoff Ice and Tums chaser.
Later.
10/16/2003
Well, I had to take my Dad to the eye doctor today. I knew it was trouble from the time we left the
house. He doesn't like to go to any doctor. He thinks it is a waste of money. But he doesn't understand
that 1) He needs to see doctors in his condition and age, and 2) He doesn't have to pay for it... Medicare does. But
all he can think about is that we are making the doctors rich. And he started in on me just as we pulled into the parking
lot of the office. By the time we got out of the van, we were yelling at each other. I don't get it. He
prays for his sight to return to normal, but when we take him to the doctor to see if we can help his sight, all he can think
about is money. He must want his sight restored for free or something. It just set the mood for the whole day.
Then when we finally got back home, my wife had all of her little tasks for me to do. She never thinks
that I might have made plans for the day for myself. But NO! It seems like what I want no longer
matters around here. I just love it when I am working at my computer doing something to improve my future and she is
sitting at the table playing solitaire on my Zire 71, and she tells me to take the dog out. Well, excuse me. I
guess my education takes a back seat to your solitaire game. I can't wait for my office to be complete. Then I
will be able to get some work done uninterupted.
I just feel like I am trapped in the middle of nowhere. There are no jobs here. There is nothing
fun or culturable to do here. There aren't even any good restaurants in this town. There is no mall here.
The nearest "fun" spot is 30 miles away. And if I want to have a little time by myself, my wife wants to know why she
can't come too. And of course, if my wife comes, then my father has to come too. There are no baby sitters for
the elderly here. So in the need to have a little time for myself, I have to wait until midnight, when my father
goes to bed, to do any work. But by then, I am too tired to do any work and just want to vegitate in front of the TV.
I just don't know what to do.
Well, that is enough of a rant for today. Later.
10/14/2003
Not much happened today. I went to Sam's Club to get some groceries. Really, that is about it.
So here is some thoughts I would like to share.
I know everyone has heard of the "Girls Gone Wild" series of videos. If you haven't, they are tapes
of women showing off their boobs and other unmentionables for nothing more than a t-shirt. In the beginning, the guy
taped at Mardi Gra and it went from there to Spring Break on so on. My take on this is, why is this appealing?
Maybe it is because I am getting older, but I can't see the appeal of seeing 18+ year old girls show off their boobs... on
tape. It's not like you would have a chance with them anyway. Nor will you ever see them in real life. I
rented one of these tapes one time and all it did for me is make me more frustrated with my own life. Because I am not
there having fun with everyone. But even if I was there, I would probably not have fun anyway, because I can't stand
to be in a crowd. But that may be because I am a really big guy. But this feeling I get with these GGW tapes,
I also get with the soft core porn on pay TV at 3am. Mostly because that stuff never happens in real life. And
most of the women have had so much augmentation that they don't even look real anymore. God, I must be getting old.
If you had told me 12 years ago that I would want to see any woman's bare breasts, I would have called you a liar. The
truth is, women look more desirable with their clothes on than off. With the styles they wear today, it leaves little
to the imagination. Still, I think it is more exciting to see a nipple through clothes than if she bares it all.
Because she isn't a slut that will show off but she lives a little dangerously by wearing something that might give a little
hint. Well, enough of this.
I have been watching the movie "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" on the various pay channels lately.
That is the best friggin' movie. Kevin Smith, a.k.a. Silent Bob, is a comedy genius. He writes the movies and
then for his part, he only gives one or two lines, which in my opinion, are the funniest lines in the movies. Kevin
gave his character Jedi Powers, and a long trench coat with every imaginable gadget in it. And to top it all off, the
gadgets have the letters SB on them, for Silent Bob. Now that is funny. He has mastered the same technique that
Andy Kaufman used in his act. Silence is funny! But in this movie, they keep doing the old "who would watch a
movie like that" bit and then the two characters look into the camera as to say, "Well I guess you would." to the audience.
That is also a funny bit. Because for an instant, they come out of character and show that they are aware that this
is a movie. I guess you would call it irony. This movie is full of Irony. It is too bad that this is the
last of the Jay and Silent Bob episodes.
Well, I guess that's it for now. Later.
10/13/2003
Today wasn't too bad. I got a little sleep after my Dad ate Breakfast. Then, of course, the
wife had to wake me up out of a nice sleep. Oh well. I had to go to the store anyway.
On The Screensavers on TechTV, someone called in and wanted to know what the best language is to learn for
doing multimedia movies and graphics. Leo said that Flash is the most versital. Because you can do movies or games
or web applications. It has its own language and is one of the most popular ways to make your website come to life.
So I think I will go ahead and finish reading about Flash. I would like to create some funny movies. But
you have to learn to crawl before you can walk.
Well, unfortunately, that is it for today.
Later.
10/11/2003
Today has just been a big waste of time. But then again, that is all I have. I didn't do anything
today. And my Dad slept all day. So I should have been able to get something done. My problem is I watch
too much TV. I gotta get busy on something.
I saw someone from my previous place of employment yesterday. I told her that I was still unemployed
since I worked with her. She told me that I could use her as a referance. I almost died laughing. She was
known as the back stabber at work. If you said something to her, it was sure to travel to the Manager and your write-up
would be hot off the printer before you got to sit down. Plus she was probably the one who suggested letting me go.
She would do anything to advance her career. So, should I use her as a referance. Let me think... NO!
I need to learn to concentrate on one thing at a time. I keep getting side tracked by something else
interesting. So in the end, I don't get anything done.
Well, I guess that will be it for now. Later.
10/9/2003
Well, I knew it was too good to be true. After all the waiting for the drug test to come back, I go
in for the safety training and they pull the old "bait and switch" on me. They say that they filled the stocker position
I was supposed to have gotten and offered me a bagger position. Who can live on the wages of a grocery bagger.
I am 32 years old. I was the midnight callcenter supervisor for one of the leading automotive catalog companies in the
country, and they want me to be a grocery bagger. What the hell is wrong with this world. Gives me even more reason
to do something for myself. At least I got another story for my comic out of it.
I had to go fix my buddy's computer again. This time, I just replaced the whole harddrive. After
re-installing everything again, it works just fine. I'm glad I could be useful to someone. I sure don't feel useful
to anyone else.
Well, that's it for now. Later.
10/4/2003
I finally got some good news. I have finally got a job. It is far from what I want to do, but
it will pay the bills until I can find something or create something. Its midnights, but that is what I worked at my
last job, and I am usually up at that time anyway.
Even though I have a job, I will still be saying, "I gotta get out of here." I have been saying that
since I worked there the first time. I think it isn't that I have to get out of a place, but I have to get out of this
life. I am not really happy about my life. Sure, I have a wife that loves me, a house, and a good friend.
But I wish I could have the life I wanted. To not have to worry about money, to be the boss, to do what I want to do.
It seems like all I do is what other people want to do. Why can't everyone deal with their own problems, like household
work, without disturbing what I am doing. I never ask for help and I expect no help. When I do something, I do
it all. I think of everything. That way, if something comes up, I don't have to depend on anyone. And I
know that the job is done right... the way I want it done.
Well, that is enough for now. Later.
10/2/2003
Sorry for cutting off yesterday. I got distracted from what I was doing and couldn't get back.
But I think I completed the list for now. These are rules I would live by if I were to get another job.
I think I'm going to write a comedy book on the rules and hopefully get it published. Maybe I'll get
some money coming in. I can only hope.
Well, thats about it for now.
Later.
10/1/2003
Well, here we are. Another month wasted... as usual.
I had another one of those sleepless nights last night. I slept from midnight to 2:30am and then didn't
go back to bed until 7am. While I was lying there in my bed to try to sleep, I was trying to think of something I could
do to make some money. I thought, "If only I could turn a negative into a positive." So I suddenly thought, "My
life might make a decent sitcom. So I am going to try to write a half hour sitcom based on my life as it is now.
I don't know if I'll be able to do it. It'll probably turn out a lot like Seinfeld. A show about nothing.
But who knows.
Occasionally, I will remember certain things about my last job. Things I was stupid enough to do.
Also, things I should not have done that would have kept me working now if I hadn't done them. Here is a short list.
Hopefully it will help someone in the future to avoid being fired or laid off.
1. Never volunteer for anything. If they see that you will put in the extra effort, they will
expect you to do it on a regular basis for the same pay.
2. Never stand out. If you try to blend into the workforce, the big bosses won't know who you
are and can't say that they witnessed you doing anything wrong.
3. Go for the average review. If you try for the excellent review, then they will expect more
out of you and your co-workers. If you can do it, why can't they.
4. If you feel you need a promotion, don't go for a supervisor position. Go for the next lower
position. Try for something that has all of the authority and none of the responsibility. That way, if you mess
up some how, you won't hear it from a boss that matters.
5. Never accept a position that is salary. Remember, salary may get more pay a year, but hourly
people get overtime pay. Salary people just get the overtime workload. If you put in 20 hours overtime, you might
just make more than a salary employee.
6. Never ever ever trust anyone at work. Anyone that you think is your friend at work, isn't.
They are just being nice and friendly to you so that you will confide in them and say something that will get you into trouble.
You tell them something, and five minutes later, you are in the manager's office getting written up on what you just said.
7. Never try to get awards at work. Awards are made for one purpose, to increase productivity.
Getting an award will not guarentee a job for the future, in fact it will tell them that you are capable of doing more.
Then if your productivity drops a little, you get into trouble for it.
8. If you ever have any minor complaints about how a company treats you, DO NOT complain. It
will just tell them that you aren't a team player and will, in the end, just put a black mark on your record. Even if
you complain, it will not get taken care of until it effects the company in a large scale. But then it isn't a minor
complaint.
9. Political Correctness is essential for survival in the workforce. These days, if you mention
one little thing that one person disagrees with, you could get charged with a major offense and have that on your work record.
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