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8/29/2003
Hello all, whoever there is that could be reading this blog. I am glad to say that I have finally
got DSL. I love it. It is so fast. If you have the means, I highly recomend you pick it up ASAP.
Needless to say, I will be able to download pics to the sight much faster now, so I might be able to get
some up soon.
Well, that's about it for now. I just thought I'd check in.
Later.
8/24/2003
God, I feel like crap. Everyday is the same. Get up, feed my Dad, watch T.V. until my wife gets
off work, then she has me do something for her. Then by the time I'm done with that, its time for me to go to sleep.
When do I get my time. My wife gets to leave any time she wants. But when I leave, she wants me to take him with
me. So I never get any alone time. I know for sure tomorrow, I'm not going to do anything he wants or my wife
wants. It is my day tomorrow.
Well, the kids are back in school by now. I went out to get something to eat friday, and the teenagers
were out in force. It made me remember about my teen years. I was never a popular kid in High School. I
only had 2 or 3 friends. I was never able to run in a crowd. My Dad was an overbearing tyrant who had to control
everything in his sight. I was never allowed to go with friends. I wasn't even allowed to drive until I was 18.
The insurance was to expensive. But even if I was allowed to go out with friends, I never had any friends that wanted
to do anything with me. My Dad would always buy the bargin clothes from the stores, unless he went to rummage sales
to buy them. "They are still plenty good." Now by this, you would think we were poor, that we lived in a little
shack in the woods and couldn't afford the basic luxaries in life. But my Dad did make good money. Its just he
would rather spend his hard earned money getting the latest tool from Craftsman or Snap-on than to get his children some stylish
clothes so they wouldn't be laughed at in school. We did live in a pretty nice house... when it was first built.
But by the time I was in High School, there were little tricks you had to know. Like, the shower faucet leaked and wouldn't
shut off all the way. So instead of replacing the faucet, the added a valve to the cold water line so when we wanted
to take a shower, we would have to go down to the dirty basement, climb over the tools he had in piles all over the place,
turn on the water, go back upstairs, take our shower, go back downstairs, turn off the water, and go back up and get dressed.
Then when the valve started leaking, his solution was to put a bucket under it so his tools wouldn't get rusted (even though
they were rusty already).
Then when I wanted to go to College, he said that he would pay for half of the classes if my mother would
pay for half. How in the hell is she supposed to pay for half? He wouldn't let her work. Thank goodness
she defied him and got a job anyway. So I never got to go to college until I was in my early 20's. Yah.
Like 18 and 19 year olds want to hang out with a 25 year old guy and go to parties and go to the mall. No one even talked
to me. No one even knew me because all of the people I knew had already graduated from there and moved on.
So seeing these kids out on the town having fun with their friends is a painful reminder of what
I have always wanted but could never have in life. All thanks to my father. I have no good job, no education,
and no ring of friends. And now he needs me to take care of him and do his little labors. So in a scense, he ruined
the first part of my life, and now he is back to ruin the last part of my life. I can't even get a decent day job
because I have to take care of him. Now, with all I have said, wouldn't you feel like crap everyday you had to wake
up to this life?
End of Rant. Later.
8/21/2003
Well, lets see... What do I have to talk about today?
Still feeling useless. Still jobless. Still fat.
It has been super hot here lately. So hot, we can't really do anything outside. It takes like
an hour for the AC in the van to feel cool. I should have it checked out. But I don't have the money.
I am looking into another place that has free webspace. They have it up to 100 megs for free.
I have also found places that have business webspace up to 1 Gig for under $10 a month. You probably have to get the
IP address through them or already have it registered to get a sight. I don't think the address is included in the $10
a month.
I am hoping I will be able to get DSL soon. I am waiting for an OK from Verizon.
I wish I could get to the next plot line in my comic. I can't figure out how to get the guys unhypnotised
and move on to the next story. I guess I will think about it and do it in the morning.
Well, I guess that's it for now. Later.
8/20/2003
Well, here I am again with a waste of the day. All I did today is burn a pile of wood. That
took all of 45 minutes. But then I also got griped at by my Dad. That took slightly longer. But it did more
damage to me than the fire.
I have to figure out how to get my books read. I have all of the material. But the only time
I get to read is at night... during my Dad's Westerns. The material is so dry and I get bored. But I know that
I have to do it if I am ever to make any money.
I have been researching the different online comics on the internet. There are a lot of them.
Some are just terrible. I have been reconsidering the 4 panel format for a strip format. But that would throw
off all of the size work I have done. Not to mention, I would have to redo the first five comics again.
The thing that is giving me trouble is the speach bubbles. I can't seem to make it with the
circle tool so that the circle is a line and not filled in. I'll have to read more to figure out how to do that.
Well, that is about all I have for today. Later.
8/14/2003
Another wasted day in my life. I am finding it really hard to read my books. I just can't keep
my mind on doing it. I wish I could just print the books out but that would take up too much paper and ink.
I don't know why I even bother getting out of bed in the morning... besides to feed my Dad. I really
have nothing to get up for. I don't have a job... AFTER A WHOLE YEAR! What is wrong with me? I have good
experience. I stayed at my job for more than 4 years. I wasn't fired for something I did, but economic cutbacks.
What kind of world is it when you can't even get a minimum wage job. I can't take it anymore.
I am just so depressed all the time and I feel so worthless all the time. Someone help me!
8/13/2003
Well, here we are again. Not much to say but I'll try.
I am so tired or friggin' Westerns. My father has to watch his daily Western until midnight.
Then, when I finally get a little privacy to read (because I can't read with guns going off on TV), he ends up getting up
at 1:30am because he can't sleep and I am up. Then he ends up falling asleep in the chair anyway.
I'm gearing up to do a fresh install on my computer. I have been getting a lot of the blue screen
of death lately. So, I would like to get the complete version of XP, but I don't have the money... being unemployed
and all.
I got done with issue 4 of the comic. Due to the backup, I haven't worked on it for a while.
It really doesn't take too long to make the comic. It's just getting to do it. It takes longer to write the storyline
than to put the pictures together.
Well, that is about all I can think of. Later.
8/03/2003
Well, another month has come and gone. Time I'll never get back again.
I am so good at planning my life out. I can plan what I should do down to the minute. The only
problem is, I never follow the plans I make. And thus, my life sucks. Right now, I feel numb inside... right down
to my soul. I feel like no matter what I do, it will never work out. Hell, I can't even find a job. I feel
like I need more out of my life, but I don't know what. Could religion be the key? I believe in God, but I don't
go to church. I just don't know what to do with my life anymore.
I heard a great expression today. "Life is like bowling. Some people are the pins and some people
are the balls. It is better to be a ball than a pin." When you think about it, that makes sense.
Some people make things happen - "the ball", and some people wait around for things to happen to them - "the pin". Balls
have control over their destiny, where pins just have things happen to them and in a way, get other people's left-overs.
The message: You have to make things happen in life to get the most out of life.
The key is taking action. It is a common theme in many movies. "Nobody ever got ahead by sitting
on their behind." And to think it has been right there in front of me the whole time.
So what's the next move for me? I've decided to go for my MCSD .NET. I will be able to
work from home and it will be up to date by the time I take the tests.
Well, that's all for now.
Later.
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